L's Journal

4:29pm: Pickles and other such groceries
So...I'm finally updating. I enjoy reading the live journals...I feel like a spectator to a bunch of intricate lives. Fascinating.

Went out on Friday and ended up meeting a few nice guys who I hung out with until 8 in the morning! Not smart to pull an all nighter when you are sick. Booooo. Now, I have the sniffles and this obnoxious lingering cold. It was fun nonetheless. It's so great...the randomness of hang-out sessions in college.

I went to Safeway today because I was SO excited to buy pickles. BUt I ended up buying Vlassen. ANd they are SO disappointing. I hear Claussen are better. Any pickle aficionados out there? I need some GOOD pickles.

Um...nothing so interesting. I'm going to have a LOT of homework this semester. Sigh. I should probably get started on it.

12:12am: So, I'm back. It's weird to update after not doing so for so long. I had an interesting break...kind of a blur. It seemed a lot shorter than I expected.

Good to be back. I've missed the atmosphere here. I'm feeling a little apathetic. Kind of excited for classes, not to eager to begin working again. Ehhhhhhhh....

Besides, I've got to fight off this killer cold. My throat is achey. Ouchie.

I suppose I can record interesting stories later. Tomorrow will be hectic...four hours of class with no break. I will surely pass out. Must take shower. Peace out.

12:15am: So FINALS ARE OVER!!!!!

Today was a good day, which is suprising since it IS (WAS) Friday the thirteenth. My comp lit teacher praised me about my essay (!!!!) and told me she wanted a copy of it to show to other classes. WOW! So... I didn't get my final grade, but it should be pretty good. WOO HOOOO! As awful as that was, I think I gained a lot from that class. What can I say-- I'm a masochist.

Music final went ok (as in fine, pretty good, blah.) I'm doing well in that class. I ADORE MY GSI! She was the sweetest, most enthusiastic, sparkling woman. I want to keep in contact with her. :)

SO...tonight was pretty anti-climactic after finishing all my finals! Suitemates and friends just ordered Chinese.

One of my suitemates left for break today. I miss her already! It's funny...I really didn't expect to get that close to her. But she and I are such good friends now. So unexpected...friendships are so weird. Sometimes you find the best friends in the most unexpected of people.

BLAAAAH!

12:04am: Four hours of making a pointless study guide, 2 hours of essay prep, and one HUGE ice cream cone for dinner. Ick. Sleep now, please.

9:55am: No more seals!
So, I have officially completed Marine Mammals. WOO HOO!

I drank decaf coffee last which kept me up ANYWAY (go figure!), so I fell asleep around four, woke up at 7:15. GREAT! I did, however, wear my "Harry Otter and the Alaskan Scallop Suprise" sweatshirt for good luck. I thought about showing it to my prof, but then reconsidered and realized that showing my otter sweatshirt to my science teacher WOULD be really cool....if I were A THIRD GRADER. Riiight.

Last night, one of my suitemates and I attempted to study in the library, which ended up being one big failure. The dead silence in there is unbearable. She and I just kept laughing (you know when you start laughing JUST because it's supposed to be silent?? AAH!) This guy near us fell asleep and was making this ridiculous face--mouth wide open. After I saw him, it was all over. We had to leave.

The two of us ventured over to my new favorite study spot--Cafe Milano. I discovered that I work best w/ a little noise, a little music, some coffee (but not at night...damn, caffeine is potent!), a friend (not necessary, but nice), and some good atmosphere.

Umm...today, I will be studying Music, but the final's not until tomorrow at 5 p.m. So I have time. Good.

11:42pm: CAKE!
I adore pineapple upside down cake for several reasons. Now I will list them:

It's so damn cute.
It's UPSIDE DOWN!!
There's pineapple AND maraschino cherries in it.
It's one of the only really GOOD desserts in the DC.
I used to make it at summer camp.
I've eaten four pieces of it in the last two days.

And MY GOD "Singin' in the Rain" has been on my mind lately. I absolutely adore that movie. It's truly the sweetest, most wonderful movie. I recommend that EVERYONE see it. It just gives you the most warm and wonderful and sad feeling. *Sigh*

I actually went to the gym today. World stand still. And I hated it. Damn...I need to take a dance class or something. Especially considering the rate at which I consume massive amounts of CAKE!!!

7:13pm: So I am in the middle of writing my Shakespeare term paper...but I'm taking a short break. Why do I eat so much cake? Dammit!!

Just had an interesting thought...
In high school, I always really wanted to be a part of musical theater. But never got in. I could sing, I could dance, but I never got in. And I was always devastated about it. I went to see all of the musicals with a knot in my stomach. I sent telegrams to my friends in the shows and always wanted to be a member of just one class...emerge from the gates behind the theater and get applauded. But I always applauded everyone else. Before I ever transferred to that school, I saw their production of Singin'in the Rain. And was completely and totally blown away. I fell in love with the kid who played Don Lockwood. I fell in love with that musical. I fell in love with the idea of being in a musical. But it never happened. My musical theater workshop teacher was a coldhearted, two-faced asshole of a man. (Fuck you, Mr. Joyce)I used to sit in my room and for hours and just look at all of the programs from the musicals, especially Singin' in the Rain. I would just read them over and over and over. And I would be sad. Hmm....

11:53pm: If I eat any more candy, I'm going to explode. No, really. UUUGH.

Funny life updates:
Last night, I drank the biggest mug of hot chocolate EVER. Two of my suitemates had bought milk and we needed to finish it before break. So we decided to have a massive hot chocolate party at midnight. BRILLIANT IDEA, BRANIACS!! I was exhausted, but could NOT sleep until 5 a.m. which meant getting up at 9 for my marine mammals session was NOT fun.

Tripped three times today...nice coordination. Slipped on a metal grate and almost fell over, stepped on a wet leaf for the ultimate banana peel effect, and slid on a wet napkin. DAMMIT!

Working on a Shakespeare term paper. Torn between procrastinating, having fun finding deep symbolic meanings, and eating massive amounts of student store bought candy. WHy is it that chocolate covered gummy bears are ALWAYS crusty? Ew.

Tomorrow=workday. Getting up at 9:30. And my schedule for next semester is set. I'M THE KING OF THE WOOOORLD.

7:55pm: Happy Chanukah, world!

Nothing too exciting is going on in my life. Just kind of waiting out thhis semester. AND I NEED TO PLAN MY CLASSES FOR SPRING!! ACK!

Those of you who make fun of Californians for wearing scarves should be smacked. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with wearing a scarf. After all, it is winter. And scarves are cute and warm. Thankyouverymuch.

11:43pm: GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE
Happy Turkey Day, ALL!! I love tryptophin (how do you spell that??) Highlights of the day: turned in comp lit paper (booya), ate cookies, ate donut, ate mexican food, watched body expand several sizes. YAY! I'm going to write a book-- how to gain fifteen lbs in one weekend. As for now, I am going to spend time with my adorable family. I LOVE MY FAMILY!! Will update later...dum dum duuuuuuum

12:49am: Awwww, YEAH!

What kind of porno would you star in?
brought to you by Quizilla

HAHA! So true, so true....

2:20am: GO BEARS!! So...we won the axe! Yay, Cal!!

Unfortunately, the whole experience was kind of irratating for me. I got there late, so there wasn't any room left in the student section. And then, my friend and I moved several times throughout the game. Finally, we went to rush the field even before it was over, and someone ran in front of me, and I fell, only to be trampled on by tons of people. I was so scared, I didn't know what to do...I felt like I was going to die. It was horrifying! People fell on top of me and I just stayed there and figured I would be able to get up when the crowd subsided. Some nice guy just came by, grabbed me, and pulled me up. Thank you, whoever you are! Damn, that was so scary!

Tonight, we ate at a Chinese restaurant in Oakland, and came back home. My suitemates and I headed to some crappy frats. BOOO. Then we returned...I dunno. BLAH! I'm a goin to sleep.

4:58pm: The SKY is absolutely GORGEOUS right now....at the horizon, it's a hazy purple blue, a vague cloudy mass that, as you look up, blends into a vibrant blue...a pure pigment reminiscent of a crayola crayon...and spotted across the blue canvas float grey-blue clouds with bright pink underbellies...floating...floating....melting *sigh*

7:12pm: So, my birthday was wonderful. Thanks to all who made it so! I got to see my mom--of course one day is never sufficient time to spend with her. But, I will see her in a week, so it's all good.
What was so nice about this birthday is that many people I would not have expected to remember did, and did something for me. It was so nice!! :)

I skipped marine mammals today -- what a delinquent. I suppose it doesn't really matter, and I've decided that I need to care less about school and not let it get to me as much. I'm still stuck in the high school mentality of feeling the need to get all "A's" which is very difficult, if not impossible. Oh well. Sigh.

Well, Sing Off was a blast. I ADORED IT!! The people in the chorales are so much fun. Those groups have really added to my life here...SOP 2 back row. WMO!!!

Gotta do work now. Much love to all. XOXO

10:44am: Happy Birthday to Me!
So, I'm 18 now. And so torn between being excited and being completely overwhelmed by everything...Now what?? Now, I can get into clubs and pierce and buy certain things... it seems very weird to be 18. Sounds old. Hmm. I'm legally not a child anymore. Bizarre.

My mommy's coming in today to visit me, which I'm reallly excited about. After lunch with her...Sing Off...and then whatever else.

Happy Birthday to me. :)

10:54pm: A poooopy day
SO....a cried a little today. Not as much before. Ugh. I think I have, as my mother would put it, an onion in my pocket. I feel a lot better now and have made some progress on my paper. But I still have a long way to go. And a horrible headache. And a clogged toilet....

I had to stick my hand in the toilet today to unclog it, and got dirty water on my sweatshirt *stifles gag reflex*. This effort, however, was futile because the stupid toilet refused to flush properly. I tried to use the plunger, but it was defective. So I knocked on the door across the hall to use their plunger (which, might I add, is FAR superior to ours...like SUPERPLUNGER!) I finally unclogged the toilet. YAY. An hour later, roommie enters the room with an "uh--oh" and informs me that the toilet is, once again, clogged. OH SHIT (pun intended.) Now, I've been enjoying periodical walks to the bathroom downstairs. Lovely.

3:59am: Tales of an Insomniac
The last few nights, I have been unable to sleep. I don't know what it is...stress...AG!! I've been trying to sleep since one and cannot fall asleep. I'm sick and I have choir rehearsal in the morning tomorrow. This is awful. BLECH, I feel shitty. I HATE NOT BEING ABLE TO FALL ASLEEP!!!!

9:15pm: Blah I feel fat and frumpy and yucky.

But, here's a funny anecdote. Today, on my way back from choir rehearsal, I was walking with a group of girls that live in Unit 4. We were climbing up a flight of steep stairs when the girl behind my tripped, and grabbed my butt to stabilize herself. It's nice to know that my butt is SO big, that someone latches on to it and can maintain their balance. Apparently, the handlebar was less convenient than my ass. HAHA! That's great! Back to working/procrastinating and pretending that I'm being productive...

4:38pm: So...I ended up in San Francisco yesterday...kind of an odd day. I've been feeling lethargic lately. Ugggh...

I have to start a ten page paper. Dammit. That class needs to END NOW THANKYOUVERYMUCH. I also need to write this one page response and read The Winter's Tale. Work work work work work....

11:25am: So...yesterday. I went to buy my suitemate a birthday gift and ended up buying myself some much need shirts (oopthie). Oh well. That was my day.

At night, I walked across campus by myself (where CAN I get some pepper spray?) to meet David and some Sop 2's (does arm movement) for dinner at eat-a-pita. Then, we went to yogurt park and headed off to the A Capella Showcase. Our groups were the most impressive, actually. And the octet...sigh. They are so damn cute.

Afterwards, we returned to David's to chill until Tron started. Can I just say...I cannot believe that I was talked into seeing that movie. SHEESH. I'm sorry to the fans of it....I understand that you guys enjoy this movie. However, I was praying for it to end from the moment that he got sucked into the computer (sucked being the operative word here...because the movie SUCKED). The colors might have been cool if a)you were 8 years old and b)if you were on some hallucinogenic drug. I just wanted to fall asleep. But thank you for the experience.

This morning, I woke up feeling like SHIT. My throat hurts and I feel achy and awful. And I'm not going into San Francisco w/ my suitemate and her sister+sister's bf b/c I don't want to walk around in the rain when feeling like this and I don't need to spend any more money. I guess it's homework time for me....PEACE

11:52pm: AAANTS
Fuck--we have ants in the bathroom. I just spent an hour, armed w/a bottle of 409, killing those suckers. DAMMIT.

7:34pm: I'm feeling very lonely. It's raining and dark. One of my suitemates is on her way home, one is at a movie, one is interning. Which leaves me alone. When one of us goes home, the others get homesick. I don't want to do work...I want to sleep. Or do nothing. I think I need a hug. I miss my parents. I miss my brother. I miss my cat. I'm worried about my grandpa. I feel like crying.

1:56am: It's RAININ'
There's something about the rain that reminds me of elementary school...the smell of wet asphalt, the sound against the windows, running outside to play in the rain at recess, listening to the teacher read us stories and smelling microwave popcorn. Going outside to wait for mom at the end of the day, surrounded by a bouquet of colorful, patterned, animal shaped umbrellas...

But it makes me sad.

Tonight, my roommate was so excited that it was raining and insisted that I join her for a trip in the rain. I donned my super-stylin' GORTEX ("you need a heavy-duty raincoat...with GORTEX" said dad) and my fleece pj bottoms and braved the wetness. I pulled me hood tight around my face a la "E.T" (you know...when E.T. is in the basket, and Eliot is on his bike, and they're flying and their sportin the hoods....riiight). It was cold and windy and the rain was pouring down. I let my hair get wet and windy and the water splashed in my face, in my eyes. My hands were freezing and we ran and laughed. And we took pictures and looked at the campanille and the surrounding lights in the rain. And a piece of bark flew off a tree and smacked me in the head (grrr....)

A memorable moment.

9:07pm: Happy Day
I was so happy today. Just very happy.

I went to bed late last night, so I was exhausted this morning. I spent marine mammals sprawled across my little desk. Then, in Comp Lit, I fought to keep my eyes open. I returned to my room to study for my Antony and Cleo analysis.

At 11:55, I headed to my Shakespeare class, armed with my Norton Anthology and a pen. I was hoping that she had chosen the passage that I emailed her for the analysis, in which case I would receive an automatic A on the analysis. AND SHE CHOSE MINE!!! I was so excited and ran out of class....that really made my day.

I then took a well-deserved nap. I was sleeping so deeply, it was incredible. I finally woke up after a few hours, and felt a little sleepy and lethargic. But, it was good anyway.

I don't have that much work, which means some free time. YIPEEEE!

This weekend, everyone is going home. This weekend is going to be kind of lonely...me and my 10 page comparative lit paper and other homework. SIGH.

Until next time....

12:33am: I HATE MEAN PEOPLE
The following entry is a venting session:

I remember the first time I cried in college. It was during welcome week. One of my roommate's friends (acquantainces) from high school was constantly coming over to our suite and calling all of the time the first week. I didn't mind him...he was okay and I was looking for new friends. Well, one day, he brought over a friend of his to hang out in my room. My roommate left the room for a second, leaving me, this guy, and his friend in the room. All of a sudden, he began whispering about me to his friend. I asked him what he was talking about, since he was in MY room, I wondered what he would possibly feel the need to whisper about. The two of them began laughing, and I asked what he said, to which he responded, "Yeah...I think I need to stop talking about people in front of them. I'm always saying something mean and they get upset..." And he was totally serious. I became pretty upset, and he got the picture and left before I could even say anything to him besides tell him that he was rude.

After he left, I began to sob. My self-image is pretty shitty, and I was suprised that already, people were judging me and talking about me...behind my back OR in front of my face. My roommate found me in tears and consoled me.

From then on, this kid would come to the room all the time in an awkward attempt to be cordial to me. ANd I was perfectly cordial, although somewhat cold to him. Why would I want to be friends with someone who says mean things about me, who is that rude or judgemental? BUt I was fairly nice to him regardless.

One day, I went to my first frat party with some friends of mine from high school. My friends live in Clark Kerr, which is where this jerk lives, and he saw us and wanted to join us. Not wanting to be rude, I didn't protest. But he got tipsy, and started talking shit about me, not even secretly, to MY high school friends about what a bitch I am. I was really upset,but held my tongue.

I kind of forgot about him after that. He just stopped coming over, stopped calling. And I was happy.

Then, at the Bowles party, I ran into him. He was in drag, and all he said to me was, "Aren't you Jessica's roommate?" I said, "Yeah.." and kept on walking.

So, tonight, he IMs my roommate with "WHy is your roommate such a nasty bitch?" He told her the story and how I think I'm better than him, and how I'm not going to get anywhere in life, I make him sick, and I'm a bad person.

Although I want to tell myself, who cares what a person like that thinks, I do care. I don't want someone to hate me. No one hates me and I consider myself a nice person. I always try to do the right thing, and I never say anything to hurt people. Why don't some people pay me the same amount of consideration? It's very bothersome to me. I don't like that he hates me. I didn't do anything wrong to him. I open myself up to people, I am nice to people....and he decided to disrespect me and talk about me and try to hurt me. Why would I want to talk about that with him? Why is he trying to portray me in a bad light to my own roommate who is one of my best friends here? It's not like she is going to change her views of me, because she sympathizes with my side. But, he's such a jerk. I don't appreciate people like that. ARGH!!!!